It’s a widely acknowledged truth, that behind every ‘successful’ person, there’s invariably a trail of rejection and set-backs - the true extent of which often eludes the average outsider, looking in.
This phenomenon of ‘triumph over tribulations’ - it typically owes to many traits and qualities.
Resilience, determination and, in many cases, a long history of ‘not taking no for an answer’
It’s this latter idea of reframing rejection as an invitation to try, try again, which has piqued my interest most, in recent weeks.
It began, after a connection I have on LinkedIn happened to share a rather interesting article about the ‘Are you sure?’ exercise, coined by American self-help author Wayne Dyer.
This challenge, implores a person to ask themselves, when faced with any form of inevitability or ‘certainty’, whether in fact there is any margin for doubt in this conclusion.
In other words…’can I be 100% certain that what I think is true?”
As a testament to the theory, two years ago, I applied for a university course, but was duly rejected on the basis of not meeting the academic entry requirements. On the face of it, this seemed like as good an impasse as any, and the pursuit of further education ended there.
That is, until earlier this year, when I found myself diligently tap-tapping away at ANOTHER online entry form for a BSc in Psychology… albeit this time at a different university.
As chance and fate would have it, two months (and a lot of emailing and referencing) later, I was accepted onto the course - the same course I had been deemed ineligible for 2 years earlier.
Mindful of this, it’s possible to see how fact-checking our everyday beliefs - it’s often worth the time and effort.
As it turns out, what I thought to be true in 2022 (ie. that I was under-qualified, and that I had missed the Academia boat) had no basis in actual hard facts.
It’s a testament to the power of ‘where focus goes, energy flows’ - which is a saying that I’ve grown especially keen on in recent times, and which seems to sum up nicely the mechanism behind that ‘Erin Brockovich energy’ which I’ve always so admired.
Erin Brockovich - she’s the ultimate incubus of dogged perseverance, and boasts a titanium self of self which I’ve always thought if I can channel even an ounce of… I’ll probably be doing ok.
This isn’t to say there’s always scope for a ‘no’ to become a ‘yes’ just by willing it so, or by re-purposing an original question for a different (or perhaps even the same) audience.
In fact, there are plenty of instances where believing so might be delusion at best… a waste of energy at worst.
I guess the key, therefore, is to try and balance tenacity.. with graceful acquiescence.
To be ‘high agency’...but realistic.
To believe in the power of second (or maybe even third or forth) time lucky, but also in that of ‘quitting while you’re ahead’ and ‘reading the room.’
The formula…it’s paradoxical, to say the least, and half the battle (from where I’m standing,) seems to be in knowing which mindset to apply, and when.
To identify which of life’s curveballs call for creativity and resourcefulness, and which exist merely to be observed and/or learned from.
The challenge - it’s certainly something I’ll be leaning into more, now that this seed of ‘are you sure?’ has been planted.
Among the incentives, there’s the high likelihood that many more of life’s supposed ‘dead ends’ will be unmasked as the ‘diversions’ in disguise that they actually are.
As well, and potentially just as importantly, there’s the psychology in believing that as one door closes, another one opens… even if it doesn’t.
This comforting salve of hope and positivity - it’s the original and best coping mechanism for all of life's rejections, failures and less-than-ideal eventualities, even if it does have no basis more reliable than ‘wishful thinking.’
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